Featured

Heavy Plant

Walk past a "Heavy Plant" warning and wonder vaguely if the trees thought it was for them; if whoever put it up had enough imag...

Sunday, December 11, 2016

The descent

Perhaps it shouldn't have come as a surprise that the moment I realised my descent into suburbia was total came at a casual game of tennis, but it did. It sat there in front of me like the proverbial dead cat. One moment I was wondering whether my hangover was actually mild enough for me to be engaging in physical activity and the next, there it was; I had had a conversation about decking treatments.

"What's that on your face mate? You alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine it's probably just the decking oil..."
"Ultradeck? Good stuff that. I used it at our place, keep it up to date and it'll see you right. Every six months I do ours."
"Ultradeck? You don't need to do that every six months unless its in the sun."
"Well, some of it..."
"Yeah, do those bits more often then or it'll crack"

...And so on it went. I withheld the fact that I had also mown the lawn for fear of a protracted comparison of two and four stroke lawnmower models.
At that moment I think I realised that for the sake of my own sanity I was going to at least pretend that I was some sort of sleeper agent whose purpose it was to point out the raw strangeness of suburban comfort.